It’s 2089. all cops have been replaced by genetically modified dogs that let children pet them, help old ladies cross the street, chase down criminals, never eat donuts, bark at cat-callers, analyze dna, easily track down murders, pee on white collar criminals, and tear the faces off of rapists. utopia has been reached.
How was this accomplished you ask?
Well its simple
Dogs are colorblind
once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me
ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer
his name is scooter
but what if fanfic was illegal tho. and dudes would be coming up to you in the street like ppssssst. aye yo ma, I got that good shit. 30,000 word AU fic. yea yo I got dem ficlets if you into dat shit. whatchu need? some fluff? I got you ma. oh, you into angst? lemme hook you up with some good shit. PWP? you bet ma, I got that latest shit. hot off the presses. you know I got you boo. shh. shh.
I was talking to my friend on the phone and then she almost got run over and i was obviously really concerned so i asked her if she was okay and after a moment she replied “there is a Jesus in the sky” in a really matter-of-fact sort of way
so obviously I thought something was seriously wrong but
omg please don’t bring this back
People are converting because of this post and I’m actually Jewish oh god I fucked up